What to do when you work with someone who doesn't like you
I have had a lot of jobs. And in some jobs, I've made really good friends and I'll even go visit them in the nursing home when it comes to that. But there are some people I've worked with I just couldn't stand. When I tell other people--in other words GOSSIP about it--I usually preface it with "I'm sure it's something about me that can't figure out them."
But that's a lie. It's about them and something that I notice about unethical behavior or they were just plain mean or lazy.
I shared an office with a woman who had worked for the organization for about 100 years. She didn't like me because I replaced a man who had retired from the organization after working there for 150 years. She liked the guy because the guy told her how wonderful she was to work with all the time. So, since I wasn't THAT guy, she decided to handle it by REFUSING TO TALK TO ME, EVER. She was capable of talking because she had family members who visited her in our office ALL DAY LONG. Some days I'd go to work determined to play her game and not talk to her either. But I usually lost and by 10 a.m. I was inclined to say SOMETHING. After all, the silence of my day wasn't broken up by any of my family coming to visit me. On the upside to this, I became efficient with my work because I wasn't distracted by unnecessary small talk.
Then, I had another co-worker with whom I worked frequently with on projects. Except she didn't like me. Fortunately, everyone else at the workplace did like me, which worked to my favor. But the woman who didn't like me had the ear of the head guy--she was the secretary to him--so she knew about changes in directions for projects first. But she wouldn't tell me about them. One time, we were to attend a meeting together out of the office. But the meeting time got changed. The only reason I made the meeting anyway, was a co-worker who did like me, and who also worked in close proximity to the head guy, learned about the schedule change and came and told me about it.
Then there was the co-worker who REFUSED to answer my phone calls or e-mails. What this meant was if I had a question that ONLY SHE COULD answer, I couldn't get the answer. When I learned a nifty trick of copying her boss on all of my e-mails, suddenly I got answers. But who likes to play games like this? Maybe lots of people do, but I don't.
My mother always told me to avoid working in threes. She meant this when I was a little girl for making friends, but it's good advice for work teams, too. Many times, when people are on teams of three, one becomes a third wheel. Can you talk to the bonded two about this dynamic? Maybe, but in the case I'm currently in, I have already spoken about my needs and they are IGNORING me anyway.
So what's the solution to dysfunctional work situations such as this. Sometimes, you can wait out the situation and the miscreant might move on. But I'm usually not that patient. Actually, I'm NEVER that patient. When these various scenarios have occurred, the solution I've chosen to is FIND ANOTHER JOB. Each time I've changed jobs, I land in a better situation than the one I left.
Maybe these people weren't there to do harm to me. Maybe they were placed in my path in order for me to be redirected to a better situation. It's human nature to stay where we're comfortable. Maybe these sandpaper people were rubbing me the wrong way so I would realize it was time to grow and change.
If you're in one of these dysfunctional work settings, maybe that's what you're supposed to do is MOVE ON.
I shared an office with a woman who had worked for the organization for about 100 years. She didn't like me because I replaced a man who had retired from the organization after working there for 150 years. She liked the guy because the guy told her how wonderful she was to work with all the time. So, since I wasn't THAT guy, she decided to handle it by REFUSING TO TALK TO ME, EVER. She was capable of talking because she had family members who visited her in our office ALL DAY LONG. Some days I'd go to work determined to play her game and not talk to her either. But I usually lost and by 10 a.m. I was inclined to say SOMETHING. After all, the silence of my day wasn't broken up by any of my family coming to visit me. On the upside to this, I became efficient with my work because I wasn't distracted by unnecessary small talk.
Then, I had another co-worker with whom I worked frequently with on projects. Except she didn't like me. Fortunately, everyone else at the workplace did like me, which worked to my favor. But the woman who didn't like me had the ear of the head guy--she was the secretary to him--so she knew about changes in directions for projects first. But she wouldn't tell me about them. One time, we were to attend a meeting together out of the office. But the meeting time got changed. The only reason I made the meeting anyway, was a co-worker who did like me, and who also worked in close proximity to the head guy, learned about the schedule change and came and told me about it.
Then there was the co-worker who REFUSED to answer my phone calls or e-mails. What this meant was if I had a question that ONLY SHE COULD answer, I couldn't get the answer. When I learned a nifty trick of copying her boss on all of my e-mails, suddenly I got answers. But who likes to play games like this? Maybe lots of people do, but I don't.
My mother always told me to avoid working in threes. She meant this when I was a little girl for making friends, but it's good advice for work teams, too. Many times, when people are on teams of three, one becomes a third wheel. Can you talk to the bonded two about this dynamic? Maybe, but in the case I'm currently in, I have already spoken about my needs and they are IGNORING me anyway.
So what's the solution to dysfunctional work situations such as this. Sometimes, you can wait out the situation and the miscreant might move on. But I'm usually not that patient. Actually, I'm NEVER that patient. When these various scenarios have occurred, the solution I've chosen to is FIND ANOTHER JOB. Each time I've changed jobs, I land in a better situation than the one I left.
Maybe these people weren't there to do harm to me. Maybe they were placed in my path in order for me to be redirected to a better situation. It's human nature to stay where we're comfortable. Maybe these sandpaper people were rubbing me the wrong way so I would realize it was time to grow and change.
If you're in one of these dysfunctional work settings, maybe that's what you're supposed to do is MOVE ON.
Comments
Post a Comment